Demure or Not Demure

Y’all say you’re very mindful, very demure but are you really living it?

Demure, if you haven’t heard, is the new word that has taken over everyone’s vocabulary. Demure this, demure that but what does it even mean? It is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “affectedly modest, reserved, or serious. Not doing too much but not too little, humble and unbothered.”

Everyday, I hear people flaunt how demure they are but why are we two weeks into the semester and you’re still emailing your professor about the homework policy? Honey, Let me help you out.

Being mindful of your professor’s time and not asking questions that are answered in the syllabus will make things easier for both of you. Chances are they’ll get annoyed quickly and that’s not how you want to build that rapport.

That’s why I’ve created a college student’s guide to being mindful and demure.

Very Demure Very MINDful

The core of demure is taking care of your mind. This seems obvious but it’s easier said than done. A well-balanced and thoughtful mind leads to a more composed and demure demeanor.

The National Institute of Health states “Most mental health disorders have their peak onset during young adulthood.” and “in addition to stress related to academic load, these students may have to face the task of taking on more adult-like responsibilities without having yet mastered the skills and cognitive maturity of adulthood.”

Yes, you might look all cutesy on the outside but that whirlwind of chaos in your mind is not so demure.

Assessing your needs and understanding your emotions helps you to be more in tune with yourself. Good mental health and emotional intelligence helps to better understand yourself and be more self-aware.

Your time is so precious, don’t go fill it up with nonsense. Trying to be everywhere, know everything and be all up in everyone’s business is not demure. It’s time to focus on yourself. Don’t get so wrapped up in other people’s lives that you forget to live your own!

Conserve your energy for the things that pour into you: your education, friends, family and good food. Stop negative thoughts from taking over your mental space and drowning out the blessings in your life.

Have real conversations. You keep thinking no one gets me, no one understands who I am but how could they? This is easier said than done once again but being honest with others helps you feel not so lonely in the world because you’re genuinely seen.

Those conversations can spark a lot of self-reflection and if you don’t feel comfortable talking to the people currently in your life I urge you to tap in with the many counseling options on campus.

In addition to the Counseling Center, NC State offers Let’s Talk: Drop-In Support as well as Embedded Counselors in a variety of academic fields. There are also community centers like the Multicultural Student Affairs, LGBTQ+ Pride Center, Women’s Center and African American Cultural Center.

Demure Demands Timelines

Being 20 minutes late to a 45 minute lecture is not very demure.

While I understand the occasional 5-10 minute tardiness, why are you missing half the lecture and wondering why you don’t understand the content? No, I don’t think it’s your professor this time.

You get out what you put in. And in college, you have to put in much more than you did back in high school.

(I will admit though if you’re doing your work and still not understanding…sometimes it really is the professors and you just have to teach yourself the material. It’s not easy or fun but we’ve all been through it!)

Time management is key. Though I still struggle with it at times, it decreases stress by tenfold.

Honestly, even if you are 20 minutes late to class, I advise you to still go. Showing up for that last 20 minutes takes much less time than rewatching the entire lecture on Panopto.

More importantly, I strongly advise against skipping lectures. If you miss one class, not due to sickness, travel or emergencies, it can quickly snowball into being five lectures behind with seven hours of content to catch up on in one day. Don’t do it.

All in all, manage your time and utilize resources like Google Calendar and notes to make to-do lists with checkboxes! Do what you need to do so you can have fun and do what you want to do.

FOMO NO MO

Baddie baddie shot o’clock!

Now let’s clock sobriety. Thursday to Sunday is a crazy span of consecutive partying every weekend. I don’t know how the business majors do it. We gotta put the alcohol down and find other ways to socialize. Weekly study groups? Brunch dates? Bowling?

Rest. You deserve rest. Sunday is a day of rest and preparation for the week ahead. Let’s use this time for self-care, relaxation, recovery and restoration.

Self-care is very very demure.

Keep in mind that recovery days are also productive because you will decrease the likelihood of burnout. Be aware of opportunity costs and schedule time for fun outside of study hours.

You are not any less valuable because you didn’t show up to every function. Go to class. Join a study group. Get a hobby.

Get a Hobby

If you find yourself smiling at a text or waiting hours for a response from a stranger you met a week ago, you may need to get a hobby. This is not Love Island, being head over heels for someone within 72 hours isn’t healthy, unfortunately.

Chasing a man is not very demure but charity is! Give to others, find ways to get involved on campus and in the community that improve the lives of people around you.

Discover your passions by trial and error. If you can’t think of any hobbies, don’t worry there are over 750 clubs for you to scroll through on Get Involved and Websites for Student Organizations‘ pages. Write down the main ones that grab your attention, attend interest meetings, feel them out and commit to at least one or two for the school year.

The other day I just found out my bestie who is majoring in Civil Engineering plays the viola. I was shocked and impressed! Like you’ve been hiding this from me this whole time. How classy, how elegant. People like being surprised by hidden talents. It’s mysterious and multifaceted.

Have hobbies and you’ll be more interesting.

Put that Sh*t on

I know exams are coming up sooner than expected but you don’t have to dress like a bum everyday.

I love comfy clothes as much as the next person but it’s nice to dress up every once in a while. Even if that means wearing jeans and a nice top. Our school doesn’t demand too much of us in terms of fashion, especially in comparison to HBCUs, but looking fly every once in a while will boost your confidence and is an opportunity for self-expression.

Now that we are grown it’s time to transition into some grown folk clothes as well. Put that blazer on, button down, get a cute blouse and some trousers. Soon we are going to be entering the workforce and the very real world.

People might say that looks don’t matter but let me be the first to tell you they most definitely do. How you present yourself can have a big effect on people’s first impressions and first impressions are harder to shake off than you think, especially for employers.

The Wolfpack Styled Professional Clothing Closet by the Career Development Center is a wonderful resource at NC State, providing free professional clothing items to students in need. If you have an interview coming up, make sure you’re looking sharp with a proper outfit. Go to Pullen Hall and they will get you right.

Implementing these tips will help you to be more mindful and demure this upcoming school year. I hope this helps and I wish you all success in your studies.

Stay classy, stay elegant and most of all…

Stay demure,

XOXO.