In the past few years, the concept of the “Male Loneliness Epidemic” has attracted mainstream attention. It centers around the idea that men in the US are growing lonelier in recent years. A Pew Research study supported this, finding that 16% of men say they’re lonely most or all of the time.
The study also found that 15% of women feel the same — constituting a 1% difference.
This isn’t just me saying that “a lot of people are lonely;” it’s about how the language we use affects our ability to solve problems. Generally, loneliness transcends gender constructs. Besides “Male Loneliness Epidemic” being an exclusionary term, attributing loneliness only to men harms our ability to solve the actual problem: men’s friendships and toxic masculinity.
While men do have friends, a Pew Research study found that men are far less likely to turn to their friends for emotional support. Similarly, men are far less likely to talk to a close friend a few times weekly.
And yet, these friendships are vital. Emotional support systems improve our physical and mental health. Without then, men can end up forcing their emotional burdens onto their partner.
It’s not about a lack of relationships, it’s about a lack of deep ones. One reason for this is the societal gender stereotypes. The American Psychological Association noted in its guidelines that men tended to be less willing to admit vulnerability. Stereotypes expecting men to be strong and stoic, and less vulnerable, are a major reason for this.
This is a form of toxic masculinity, often perpetuated by toxic figures or manosphere influencers like Andrew Tate, who have been heavily criticized for featuring misogyny disguised as “men’s rights” content. However, it’s also present in much of modern society, from social media to music.
This toxicity creates a vicious cycle where men are less vulnerable, we have fewer of those deep friendships and that lack of vulnerability harms our mental health. I’m not saying every man is toxic — rather, that toxic masculinity affects everyone’s ability to build deeper relationships. Relationships are two-sided, after all.
This is why gendered language for this is so harmful. Ultimately, tying the loneliness epidemic to men doesn’t help us solve the actual problem — the toxic masculinity that gave rise to these intense feelings.
We can solve the loneliness epidemic as a society. But if we want to specifically solve the underlying problems in male loneliness, we need to work on our cultural ideas of masculinity. What age-old myths about men can we dispel to help better support each other?
To break those ideas’ hold on society, we need to dispel toxic masculinity within our community to solve male loneliness. We need to create more spaces where we can actually communicate with each other, without emotional walls holding us back.
Right now, so many prominent men’s movements and groups, like the Men’s Rights movements, spend more time promoting negative men’s behaviors than actually solving men’s problems. Replacing our current, more negative movements with positive ones and genuinely attempting to solve men’s problems, is how we substantively move forward.
Groups like the Black Male Collective, who promote healthy masculinity, are great examples of this. Creating more of these spaces is how we build up a healthier view of masculinity that allows for deeper connection. These communities may seem small, but that’s how we build up to greater societal change.
Those changes in perception are what will actually solve the “male loneliness epidemic.” It’s not about just making a new friend or finding a partner — it’s about our mindset.
